I woke up this morning tears streaming down my face and a heart ache that only once you have it, do you know and understand what it feels like. I don't remember all of my dream, but the parts I do remember hurt deep in the depths of my soul. I know this past year has dealt me very many ups and downs, but these past several months have been the most trying. A friend told me that God is using these circumstances to teach you, to grow you and my response at that time was "I don't want to grow anymore, I don't want to be taught anymore." WOW! As a Christian we should want to grow more, we should want to be taught by the master teacher himself yet I got caught up in the circumstances instead of giving them to Him. All of my teenage life and early adulthood I sought companionship from people who would constantly break my spirits, hurt me and I would start building up walls so I wouldn't get hurt. You know that moment when you let people in after guarding yourself for so long? SWEET RELIEF...I felt it and it was wonderful. I opened my heart up to be taken advantage of, hurt and broken...again. There are many who have treasured my heart, and some that have played games with it...but I am left knowing that God treasures my heart, he knows me inside and out. After a heart wrenching circumstance, I felt the walls immediately coming back up but I also felt Gods hands pushing them back down and embracing me with strength, with comfort and love! WHAT AN AMAZING FEELING!! Time to time I forget that when I hurt, He is the healer of that hurt, but I tend to push those loving hands away. I guess what I am trying to convey is my daily struggle with allowing myself to heal and have the Healer take the pain away. To be at peace with past hurts, to finally let it all go and let God work in me. I am so glad He isn't finished with me yet, aren't you?
Father God I pray for those hurting like I am today or those who have another hurt all their own. I know what it feels like to experience hurt that is almost suffocating and I pray you will intervene in their situation and in their lives. Bring them peace and healing that only you can give to them. I ask that you will continue to show me, teach me and help me understand what you have for me, and when I don't agree or understand, that I will accept your will for my life. Heal this broken heart of mine and show me what love really means. Help me not to feel lonely, unworthy, and broken... I pray that I will have the courage to not allow others to take what is rightfully mine, a spirit of hope, a spirti of joy and peace. I pray for each and every one that reads this that you will bless them today, reveal yourself to them in a way that they need to see you. Thank you Father God for loving me with an unconditional love. Amen.
"Not by might, or by power, but by My Spirit, says the Lord of hosts" Zechariah 4:6
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